Ashley Taylor: How I Treat My Post-Divorce Relationship
Like many people, I ended my marriage during the early part of the pandemic. I was already unhappy, and my husband and I had been living in separate parts of our home for seven years. Being in close quarters with him 24 hours per day put into sharp focus how unhealthy our relationship was.
I’ll spare the details, but we got divorced and he moved out that same year. Fast-forward to 2021, and I reconnected with an acquaintance from high school on a blind date. Eight months later, we were engaged. We bought a home together in March 2022, and I am happier than I’ve ever been. Why? It’s not just because he is a good man, which he is; my current situation is because I reframed the way that I looked at myself and my relationships. I took life off autopilot, and he and I have made positive changes to both of our lives.
Today, I ask for support.
Support was something my ex-husband could never offer. Sure, he provided for us very well, but when it came time to visit family or take care of the kids, I was alone.
During the time I was single, I decided that I was no longer going to shoulder all the burdens of life by myself. Now that I am living with my current fiancé, I ask for help if I need it. More importantly, as Time.com notes as important, he pitches in without me asking, and it’s the most attractive thing ever.
Today, I am building my resume to build my career.
Reflecting on activities I prioritized when I was single, I can focus on them once more. For instance, advancing my career goals may be a good option, beginning with refining my resume using an online, customizable template where I can input my own text, fonts, and graphics. Tailoring a resume to align with your career objectives requires a strategic approach that highlights your relevant skills, experiences, and achievements.
It’s important to use clear, concise language and quantifiable results to demonstrate your impact in previous roles. Including a professional summary at the beginning, which can effectively showcase your career aspirations and how your background supports these goals. To further support my career objectives, I wanted to include any relevant volunteer work, internships, or extracurricular activities that demonstrate your commitment and skills pertinent to your career path.
Today, I dress for myself.
It might sound silly, but when I was married, I wore the things that he wanted to see on me. He preferred jeans; I preferred leggings. Once we filed, I hung the jeans in the back of the closet and bought more leggings. Fortunately, my fiancé loves them, and I feel sexy, comfortable, and expressive, even when I’m just working or folding blankets in the living room. I also wear more sports bras and crop top T-shirts.
Today, I have a healthy work-life balance.
In my previous life, my home was set up to cater to my ex-husband. His favorite chair, the type of glasses he wanted, and even the books and magazines that allowed him to unwind. There were very few things in the open for me and the kids. In my new life and home, my fiancé and I work together to make sure our space is positive and encourages closeness. We not only keep it clean, organized, and clutter-free – including the kids’ playroom – but we also have little touches of each other throughout the house. This includes having a dedicated work space and an area for home entertainment like a movie room.
For example, our upstairs loft has my favorite blanket but also a mini refrigerator so he can grab a drink while playing Grand Theft Auto. I can snuggle next to him, and he doesn’t have to move once I get comfortable. The kids keep their controllers stashed in the entertainment center. It seems like a small thing, but it matters.
Today, I am comfortable with my body.
My ex-husband never looks at me much in a sexual way. To be honest, I’m not sure he ever found me attractive. As a result, I was uncomfortable with my body, despite being a very well-proportioned 5 feet tall and 130 pounds. I had to learn to get out of my head, and how to come to terms with the fact that it was not me physically but me mentally that made it hard for me to enjoy sex after my divorce.
Today, I put energy into making myself and my fiancé feel attractive (the iMom blog does a good job at explaining a few of the things that I do for him). The result: we have sex twice a day. Every day. Not that it’s planned, but it feels good, so we do it.
Today, I take care of myself with self-care like walking for exercise.
Walking as a form of self-care offers numerous physical and mental health benefits, making it an accessible and effective way to enhance overall well-being. Physically, regular walking improves cardiovascular health, aids in weight management, and strengthens muscles and bones, reducing the risk of chronic diseases. Mentally, it has been shown to alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety, boost mood, and improve cognitive function.
It took a traumatic divorce to help me dig deep into myself to decide what I really wanted out of life. Then, when I wasn’t looking, I found it. But if I had not done the work on myself, I would’ve never been open to the idea that someone could love me, respect me, and desire me the way that my partner does. Today, instead of it being all about my partner, we work together to create a cozy, healthy, and happy home. We work on our relationship, and we are both better off for it.
